What to Do About Parents Harassing Teachers (For Teachers and Administrators)

Looking for tips on how to handle the issue of teachers being bullied by parents? Whether you’re a teacher or an administrator – you’re in the right place.

Yes, teacher bullying is a thing – initiated by students, more so than parents.

Teacher-targeted bullying by parents is not as common as it is from students (depending on your definition of bullying), but it can happen, for several reasons:

• the stakes being high (it’s their child’s education, after all)
• a lack of trust in the education system
• lack of respect for the teaching profession, or for the teacher (new teachers are especially vulnerable to this)
• the personality of the parent. This may be how they treat people when they don’t get their way

I have 10 years of experience working as a public school teacher, and have dealt with parents in many capacities; both as a teacher and also as a private tutor.

Communication with parents can be beneficial for the child’s learning, but if teacher begins to feel intimidated or disrespected, then it may not be healthy to continue the communication as-is, and boundaries will have to be drawn.

In my career, there have been many examples where teachers have had to draw very serious boundaries with certain difficult parents because their interactions no longer being ‘safe’ or sustainable for the teacher.

In this article, I’m going to walk you through:

• Do’s and don’ts when it comes to dealing with rude or bullying parents
• What signs to look for
• Tips for both teachers and administrators on handling rude or abusive parents

So, let’s jump in – a guide for teachers being bullied by parents

What Does a Parent Bullying a Teacher Look Like?

The official definition of bullying is that it needs to be intentional, and ongoing. However, it doesn’t need to take more than one single incident for it to constitute as abusive treatment.

If a parent is:

• intimidating the teacher into giving them what they want
• raises their voice, or uses inappropriate language
• reminds the teacher of what power they have over them
• threatens the teacher in any way
• using any name-calling
• harasses the teacher (even overboard communication can full under the definition of harassment)

Then these can all be classified as bullying, or abuse and need to be dealt with accordingly.

The teacher should not handle these incidents on their own – the principal (and union, if applicable) should step in. Even if the parent’s behaviour doesn’t fit the ‘bullying’ criteria, doesn’t mean that the behaviour is acceptable

Regardless of whether the parent’s behaviour qualifies as bullying or not, teachers deserve to feel safe and are entitled to decent respect in interactions with both students and their parents.

What to Do if You’re a Teacher Being Bullied by a Parent

Here are some dos and don’ts with regards to how to handle the situation where you feel harassed and intimidated by a parent’s behaviour

1. DO seek support from your admin, and union (if applicable)

If interactions with a parent verge on inappropriate, and it is making you feel unsafe then you should not just try to control the chaos – get support from your admin, and from your teacher union.

If you work for a private school, you may not have access to a union, but your school director or principal is the one who should step in to help.

2. DO document all interactions with the parent

Your admin and/or union will likely recommend that you document interactions with the parent, so I recommend starting to do this before you even talk to them.

In your documentation, be sure to include:

• the dates that there is an interaction
• what was said (just in point form) and
• the conclusion of the interaction, if there was any
• highlight anything said that bordered on disrepespectful

Keeping documentation also helps for when you seek support with dealing with the parent, because then you have a paper trail and proof of what is going on from your end.

3. DO resort to email-only communication.

If a parent is inappropriate in their interactions and communication with you, then it is best to stick to email (no phone or in person, at least not alone.)

If your communication is email only, then it can be easily tracked and documented. I also advise keeping your admin (hopefully, if you have a supportive principal) CC’ed on any emails so that they’re aware of what is happening with that parent.

4. Do NOT accept any verbal abuse

It’s one thing for a parent to share their concerns, and frustrations to you. It’s another to:

• intimidate or threaten you
• raise their voice
• use inappropriate language, including swear words

If this happens during a meeting or phone call, then end the meeting right away, and document the incident.

Then, bring it up with your administrator right away (don’t wait.) Incidents like this should be reported because its part of the documentation and paper trail.

5. Do NOT meet with the parent alone

If a parent is in any way abusive, then don’t ever meet with them alone. This includes phone and in-person.

If you do decide to meet with them in person, then your administrator should agree to be present for those meetings, and support you.

6. Do NOT hesitate to get outside help if the situation is out of hand

This needs to be reiterated. If you feel like your communication with a parent is:

• inappropriate (because of how they treat or talk to you)
• unsustainable (they message you constantly, or every day)

Then it may be time to get support and draw boundaries.

7. DO cease any communication with the parent if the situation warrants it

In severe cases, it may be time to put a stop to any communication between you and the parent. They don’t call, or email you.

Instead in this case, the principal is their new line of communication through the school. They can call or email the principal if they have questions or concerns, and you can provide updates to the principal to rely back to the parent.

While I have never had to go this route, I’ve known some teachers in my career who have had parents they never talk to, because of prior inappropriate behaviour from the parent.

8. Get the police involved (in very extreme cases)

If a parent begins to push the boundaries to the point that they begin stalking or harassing you outside of the school, then in addition to letting your admin know, you also will need to get the police involved.

This will rarely happen, but if their behaviour goes beyond just dealing with you as a teacher and they begin to attack you personally, then this is beyond just your principal and the police should be notified right away too.

If You’re An Administrator: What to Do about Parents Bullying Teachers

Part of the job of a principal is to protect their staff. If the parent is acting abusively towards the teacher, then it is the administrator’s job to step in.

The principal can help mitigate the situation of parents harassing teachers by:

• speaking to the parent about boundaries of communication with the teachers; what is appropriate and what isn’t (showing the parent that you and the teacher are a united team is very helpful)
• being involved in all future communication between the parent and the teacher. This includes being CCed on emails, being there for in-person meetings and phone calls
• keeping their own documentation of incidents and interactions
• completely taking over the communication with the parent

Which of the courses of action of the above the principal takes may depend on:

• the severity of the situation
• the comfort level of the teacher (do they still feel comfortable interacting with this parent?)
• what other attempts have tried and failed. If attempts have been made to restore a healthy communication relationship with the teacher and parent, OR if the parent’s behaviour goes too far past the line of what is appropriate, then I believe that any future communication should go through the principal

Why is it Important to Protect Teachers from Bullying Parents?

If you’ve been into any service-oriented establishment in the past few years, you may have noticed that there are signs displayed warning patrons that abuse of their employees will not be tolerated.

The school, while a public service that all children are entitled to, needs to work the same way. It is the job of administrators and principals to empower educators, not to render them in an even more vulnerable – or worse -unsafe situations.

Teachers (and other education workers, such as educational assistants or early childhood educators) should receive the same protection as employees of any other workplace, because:

• The teaching career is not sustainable without support
• The burnout rate among teachers tells us that the job has become too challenging
• The teacher’s stress levels have a direct impact on their students

How to Prevent Being Bullied by a Parent

Being the target of bullying, from students or their parents, isn’t the teacher’s fault. However, there are a few tips to that may prevent the situation from escalating that far from your end

1. Stand your ground

If the parent makes a request that you have no problem accommodating, then evaluate the requests as they come and make the final call on whether you can make the change they want.

However, if the parent is asking for someone that you don’t feel is best (for their child, or your classroom as a whole, or your own mental health) then don’t give in just because they asked for it.

In order for your career as a teacher to be sustainable, you need to have boundaries on what you’ll allow and what you’ll want. You also fundamentally want what’s best for the students, and your class as a whole.

2. Don’t be available 24/7

Every teacher should have strict ‘office hours’ or some sort of boundary for communication. It’s a big part of work life balance, and for maintaining your own mental health.

Here are some ways to ensure you’re not making yourself available all the time:

• State in newsletters that emails will be answered within certain time frames (‘office hours’)
• Let parents know at the beginning of the year, or in a newsletter, how long it may take you to get back to them

I personally let my parents know at the start of the year, that it could take up to 24-48 hours to get a response from me through email, depending on the nature of the email. I included that they could let me know if it was an issue that required an urgent reply (everyone seemed ok with this.)

Not being available every day is not going to upset parents – if anything, they’re more likely to respect you, because it shows that you have respect for your own boundaries.

3. Have additional communication boundaries

Not being available around the clock, as mentioned above, is a part of setting a boundary. But there are other things you could do too to set boundaries with parents.

Here are some examples:

• Let parents know about the best way to communicate with you. I’ve seen some teachers who dislike email and want all communication to be through an app, like Seesaw or Remind. Some teachers prefer phone calls only. Pick the one that works best for you (not the parent) and be clear about how they can get ahold of you
• It’s ok to have parents ‘book appointments’ in advance so to speak, in order to meet with you. I was a single-parent teacher, and it didn’t work for me to have unexpected visitors, so I asked for advance notice for all sit-down meetings or face-to-face chats with parents. (You can do this regardless of your responsibilities outside school – parents do not get 24/7 access to you.)
• Put an immediate end to any interaction with parents that becomes inappropriate and document it

As you’ve probably gathered from reading this article, setting boundaries is a big part of managing, preventing or dealing with an aggressive or bullying parent. Make sure these boundaries are set in advance; if you didn’t do this, then it’s never too late to set them. Part of being a teacher is assessing situations, and making changes if need be.

4. Show that you care about their child

I know, and you know that you care about your student’s success equally. But too often, students misinterpret some of the things you do or say, for being that you don’t like them, or are picking on them.

They feed these stories to their parents, who sometimes end up believing it. They fear that you don’t like their child, or have something against them.

It’s best to show them that this isn’t true, at any opportunity to you get. If you know that a particular family may be sensitive to this then you can try:

• call home with good news once in a while
• highlight the strengths of their child in any meeting with the parent
• be mindful of any of your actions in class may be interpreted by said child, and try to talk to them if necessary. The student needs to know that you want them to do well, you don’t favour other students; you like them and want to help them

Parents Bullying Teachers FAQ

Here are some of the most commonly asked questions about dealing with bullying or rude parents as a teacher

How do teachers deal with rude parents?

Dealing with rude parents as a teacher is very challenging, and there’s a fine line between a parent being critical, and being rude to the teacher. If a parent’s behaviour borders on inappropriate, then the teacher needs to seek support, and set boundaries.

How should teachers deal with aggressive parents?

If parents are behaving aggressively towards the teacher, then this should not be handled by the teacher alone. The principal needs to step in to protect their staff, and help the teacher draw boundaries with the parent.

Final Thoughts on Teachers Being Bullied by Parents

Teachers are quitting the profession in record numbers, and our education systems will fall apart unless we instill more support for teachers.

Handling difficult parents is a part of every teacher’s job, but there’s a fine line between a parent being challenging to deal with, or being aggressive or abusive or bullying the teacher.

I hope that this article has given you some good ideas and suggestions on how to handle the parent in your situation. While the parent’s ultimate goal is to advocate for their child, its important that all communication stays respectful, and safe for all involved.