How to Deal with Difficult Parents as a Teacher

Wondering how to deal with difficult parents as a teacher? You’re in the right place.

As a teacher with 10 years of experience working in public school classrooms, I know that handling challenging parents is (among many other things) one of the largest stressors of a teacher’s job.

Among many other challenging factors, dealing with difficult parents (especially if you struggle with lack of support from your admin) is one of the reasons contributing to teacher stress and burnout.

I have had my share of dealing with difficult parents, and know how much it can throw you off guard.

Why Dealing with Parents is so Difficult

There are many reasons why talking to parents is such a challenging and stressful endeavour for a teacher, but here are a few key reasons

A difficult parent may be difficult for ANY (but not all) of the following reasons:

• Lack of trust in the education system, and respect for the teaching profession
• The stakes are high – this is their child’s education and wellbeing, and they want them to be successful
• Being uneducated themselves, and not having the tools or resources to parent affectively, or understand the education system
• They’re struggling to accept where their child is at, and its much easier to blame someone else (the teacher) than take responsibility for what is happening
• If you’re a brand new teacher, then the parents may be significantly older than you and think that they know better
• They are enabling their child’s poor behaviour; part of that is protecting them against people who are want to hold them accountable (like you)
• Lack of principal support – if the parents find that the school administration sides with them, then it dimishes the respect for your authority
• They struggle with a sense of entitlement, and want to get their way

Regardless of why some parents will be more challenging than others, I want to help you:

How to Prevent Challenges with Parents in Advance

Here are the things that you can start doing right now, to prevent problems with parents. This doesn’t mean that if a parent starts being difficult, then it’s your fault. But there are a few things us teachers can do to

1. Talk to previous teachers

If you are able and feel comfortable doing so, its very helpful to reach out to previous teachers to find out if there are any parents in the class you’ll be teaching that you may need to be more ‘on guard’ with. They often will be able to tell you.

A parent’s behaviour often isn’t unique to the teacher – they tend to treat all their kid’s teachers like that, although it can vary in severity.

I have always found these heads up very helpful; especially when the previous teacher offers strategies for how they got through the year with any challenging parents.

2. Set communication boundaries from the get-go

At the beginning of the school year, tell parents what they can expect from you in terms of communication – how, and when they can contact you.

Make sure its clear that there’s a specific way you want to be contacted, and certain time frames where you will answer (or not answer.)

This will set their expectations accordingly, and hopefully prevent them from complaining later on when you aren’t available 24/7 or answering them instantly. It also bodes much better for teacher work-life balance.

A few examples:

• In my first letter home introducing myself, I told the parents how they could reach me (My preferred way is email, but yours may be different.)
• I also told them how long it may take me to get back to them. I said that I would do my best to answer as soon as possible, but that it could take up to 24-48 hours at the most, depending on the issue at hand, my workload and other factors. I also let them know that they could put URGENT in the subject line if was very important
• I’ve known some teachers who set ‘office hours’ where they only respond to emails in between those time slots, and never outside of that. You could pick mornings 8am -12pm, for example. (I chose to let them know to give me up to 48 hours to respond, instead of office hours. You should do what works best for you.)

Being available 24/7 to parents isn’t a good idea, because it may cause them to push boundaries. It also diminishes the professional relationship if they have access to you whenever they want, instead of needing to wait to speak with you, like any other professional.

3. Outline your procedures from the start

In addition to letting parents know how and when they can contact you (as well as when they can expect to hear back) there are a few other things that would be helpful to let them know in advance:

• Your policies on homework, and cell phones (you’d be surprised how many parents want to be able to text their child when they’re at school)
• A basic classroom management plan – you don’t have to be too specific here. But if you’re using a discipline system for behaviour, or even a rewards program, then it may be helpful to share this with them if you already know in advance. It reduces surprises when they find out what happened when their child got in trouble
• Daily schedule, if you have it
• What (if any) items their children need for school (indoor shoes, their own markers, etc.)
• A curriculum overview – don’t share your long-range plans. But, you can give them an idea of what will be covered
• Any volunteer information – can parents volunteer in the classroom, or attend field trips + how to get involved if they’re interested

Being upfront with all this information seems like a lot of work upfront, but it doesn’t need to be too detailed. One page (single or double-sided) should be enough to fill parents in on what they can expect from their child’s school year with you. When they know what to expect, they are less likely to be doubtful or unsure.

4. Polish your classroom management skills

I believe that today’s classroom is more challenging than the one you’re prepared for in teacher training.

Depending on what grade you teach, it can take serious skill and knowledge to run a class as effectively as possible.

I was skeptical about classroom management books, but after I read a few of them, I felt much more confident handling issues that arise in the classroom.

Even if it improves your management by a little bit, it still makes your job less stressful and reduces the risk of problems with parents. Read what classroom management books I recommend here.

5. Keep good documentation

Part of doing a thorough job as a teacher is keeping good records. This can be challenging, as it’s almost a job in itself. But, a very necessary one to stay on top of.

The things that you should be keeping track of are:

• student assessments (formal and informal)
• any behavioural incidents
• classroom observations
• parent communication log

Find a way to keep your documentation organized, so that you can easily find it. I recommend becoming familiar with AI tools that can speed up some of the tedious processes for all of the above. You can even find pre-made templates online for all of the above. Don’t reinvent the wheel.

Having good records reduces issues with parents because it will allow you to be more organized, and know what you’re talking about.

6. Do your best to make each student feel welcome

I know this sounds like a bit of a given – of course you want the kids to feel welcome. But it’s good to be aware of what kinds of cards parents will play.

A big part of what parents will get after you for (whether its right or wrong) is if they fear any of the following scenarios:

• you don’t like their child, or are ‘picking’ on them
• you play favourites in the classroom
• you aren’t providing their child with the support they need
• you aren’t accepting of their child’s personality, differences, limitations, or weaknesses

Again – this doesn’t mean that you are actually doing, or not doing, these things. But these are some of the concerns that difficult parents will have.

Knowing in advance what kinds of accusations teachers most commonly receive from parents, you can do your best to ensure that the kids or families who may be sensitive to the above know that these aren’t the case with you.

Here are some suggestions to ensure that all students feel included, supported, and happy in their room (which reduces complaints to their parents, and keeps the parents off your back:)

• If you do prizes or rewards, try to opt for whole-class rewards rather than individual ones
• Foster a growth mindset in the classroom; which cuts down on negative feedback and encourages students to celebrate any leaps, regardless of their performance level

7. Keep parents in the loop

Allow parents to get photos, or even videos of the amazing things going on in your classroom. Student artwork hung on the wall, photos from a field trip, a class visitor, or any large assignments.

The best way to allow parents to be apart of this is using some sort of app, like Remind or Seesaw. Here are some suggestions for apps to keep parents involved and informed.

8. Professionalize yourself

When parents view you as a professional, they are more likely to respect your opinion, and analysis and hear you out.

Some people forget that teachers are professionals, who have gone to school almost as long as lawyers.

Where I live, it takes about 6 years of post-secondary education to qualify as a teacher, plus being licenced and obtaining professional development upgrades for particular subjects and grades.

A few ways to professionalize yourself are:

• Simply be sure of what you say; don’t let them see you doubt yourself or second-guess your judgment on things that you are certain about
• Don’t be ‘friends’ with the parents; maintain professional boundaries (with them, and their kids)
• Another thing you could consider is to hang your degrees and qualifications in the classroom; somewhere near your teacher’s desk. Other professionals do this, although you rarely see it with teachers. However, it reminds families that you’re fully qualified, and deserving of the same respect as other professionals
• Similar to how doctors put their qualifications after their name in email signatures (for example: Ben Smith, M.D.) you could also do the same in your email signature

Admittedly, I had trouble doing both of the above. I added “B.E.d, OCT” in my teacher email signature for a while (which indicates Bachelor of Education, and Ontario Certified Teacher) but got embarrassed and took it down when no other teachers at my school had it.

I should add that if email is not the method you typically use to communicate with parents, then the email signature suggestion may not be relevant.

Even if you do all of the above, it’s still unlikely that you’re going to get through your career without encountering some difficult parents who will blame, attack and challenge you.

So, let’s get in to how to handle things when you have a parent that won’t get off your case.

9. Call home with some good news

One advice teachers are often given is to make “sunshine calls” to the parents of every child in the class. This is supposed to help establish a good report from the start, and it shows that you see good in every child; instead of only calling home when there’s a problem.

I will say, I’m not a big fan of the “sunshine call” advice, for a few reasons:

a) It’s very time consuming for the teacher.
b) As a parent, I feel caught off guard if I see that the school is calling. (None of my children’s teachers have ever done ‘sunshine calls’ and I don’t expect them, or feel I need them.)

What I recommend doing instead of a sunshine call is to identify a few students who’s parents may benefit from a sunshine call. You don’t have to call every house.

Instead, call about 3-5 families at the start of the year who you think may benefit from a call. (It could be because you can forsee that there may be issues down the road, and you want to establish a good relationship with them from the get go.)

This way, you don’t have to spend an overwhelming amount of time making 30 phone calls – but you call the houses that would benefit from them.

What to Do when Parents Challenge You

Here are the things to do when you initially encounter difficult parents, and how to handle if if they won’t leave you alone

1. Invite them in for a chat

If they have any initial concerns, I always invite the parents into the school to talk face to face.

I’ve found that being able to see them, look them in the eye, have them meet me, and see the classroom – tends resolves problems much quicker than phone tag or sending emails back and forth.

It allows them to see my face, decipher my tone of voice and body language better, and it builds trust.

I’ve had parents initially come in upset before out meeting, but seemed to feel so much better after meeting and talking to me and we part on good terms. It clears the air, and establishes a good rapport.

So, unless you have a reason to feel unsafe meeting alone with this parent, invite them in for a chat right away, at the first sign of concerns.

This may quickly defuse any issues, leading to a less stressful experience going forward (for you and them.)

2. Hear them out

Being a parent is stressful and often, they are just frustrated and want the best for their child. I have found in many situations, the parents are having just as much difficulty managing their child at home, as the teacher is at school.

Overwhelmed and frustrated parents are sometimes looking to cast blame, and have trouble accepting responsibility for their child’s outcomes.

While this is not by any means the teacher’s fault (nor should the teacher bear the brunt of blame) the parent more than often just needs a reminder that the teacher is on their side, and wants the best for their child, too.

Give the parent a chance to share their thoughts and concerns. Keep eye contact, and show that you’re listening attentively. I usually have a clipboard with me and take notes (documentation) as they are speaking – this helps in two ways:

• saves me from having to do it later
• it shows the parents that I’m taking what they say seriously, and am recording it so that I remember what they said

3. Show that you’re on their kid’s side

Most parents (even the very unreasonable ones) know that you can’t possibly love their child like they do. But they do want you to care about their child, and want the best for them.

As teachers, we typically don’t personally ‘dislike’ any of our students; we only dislike that we have no support in managing their behaviour choices, and how it impacts our ability to help other students.

However, the parents don’t know or understand this. What they do need to hear, is that you are “there” for their child, and want to help them.

Here are a few phrases to use to ease their minds:

• “I want ______ to know that he can always come to me if he has a question, or needs help.”
• “I see a lot of potential in ______ already (give examples if possible) and I want to help her improve.”
• “I believe in _______’s ability to do well at this, and I’m here every step of the way to help him achieve that.”

Pro Tip: Obviously, if there are issues – they need to be addressed. Try to use the sandwich method, and ensure that the parents know that you see positive traits of their child too (not just negative.)

4. Keep your communication present and future-focused

If the parent starts complaining about something you said or did in the past (whether its true or not) it’s best to not focus on the alleged incident in your response to them.

This was one of the best pieces of advice I ever received as a teacher; I applied it, and it made by communication with parents go much smoother.

For example, if you’re having a meeting with a parent and they refer to an event from weeks ago, don’t get into back and forth about whether the thing happened, or how close their version of the events are to the truth.

I repeat: Do not get into a back-and-forth argument with the parent.

Instead, let the parent finish what they’re saying, but don’t dwell on past events when you respond to them, because this will only fuel the issue even more (and, potentially send the message that you see their child as a liar.)

At the end of the day, the purpose of your meeting is not to argue about things that happened in the past. It’s to improve the situation for the future.

When you respond to the parent, make sure you talk only about the present or the future. Say things like:

• “Moving forward, I will be making sure to check in with Jimmy to make sure he understands the assignment”
• “I would love to hear from Johnny if he feels that his deskmate is being mean to him. I want him to feel comfortable and safe in this class”

Hearing what you plan to do in the future, will likely put the parents at ease and they will back down.

If they do continue to circle around to the same issue over and over, then its best to tell them that you cannot change the issue from before, but you want to make sure that their child feels more supported going forward (and then, restate what you plan to do to make that happen.)

5. Document all communication with parents

Documenting parent communication isn’t just for parents that are behaving inappropriately – its for all communication with them.

Documenting all communication with parents helps in a few ways:

• If the parent does start to behave in an inappropriate way, then you already have a record of all communication with them
• It is a paper trail that ensures you’re doing your job
• It makes it easy for another teacher to take over, in case you were to unexpectedly go on leave mid-year

In my school board, keeping a record of parent documentation is expected. It is something that teachers are evaluated on when it came to teacher performance appraisals.

6. Follow up

If you and the parents had a phone call or sit down conversation regarding a concern about their child, then let them know that you will follow up. Give them a time frame for when they can expect to hear from you.

Afterwards, do follow up (this can be through email or phone) to let them know how things have been going since you spoke, and remind them of what will continue to happen going forward.

Pro Tip: Here’s the trick – don’t fall into a sense of obligation that you need to regularly phone or email them with updates. (Unless the situation warrants it – such as a very severe behaviour issue, or if you teach a very young age level with students who are too young to relay events themselves.)

7. Take care of yourself

One thing that isn’t talked about enough is that, while parent communication is important, it can also be a huge source of stress when it comes to being a teacher.

It’s one of the contributing factors to why teachers burn out, and eventually leave the career.

It can feel like a very flawed, and dysfunctional system when it seems that the parents have the upper hand and power, and there’s little you can do; despite having a much more realistic view of the bigger picture than they do.

Remember that:

• Basic respect is something you’re entitled to, not a bonus. So regardless of how upset a parent is, this never gives them the right to treat you in a disrespectful or intimidating way
• Burning out of the profession is just as bad for your students, as it is for you. Ensure that you are taking the steps you need to ensure your well-being (adequate sleep, breaks from teaching, taking a sick day if you need one, etc.)

What if You Continue to Struggle with a Difficult Parent?

In most cases, I find that following all of the above advice tends to build a decent relationship with parents.

However, there are some parents who may persist. Whatever it is, it can be the most daunting task of your teaching career and can really put a damper on things.

Here are my recommendations of what to do if the difficult parent doesn’t improve:

• Reach out to the child’s previous teachers. More often than not, you’ll find that the parent has been the same way through their child’s entire school career. It helps to vent to other teachers, and find out what they did to manage it
• Lengthen the amount of time it takes to answer them. Assuming their requestions aren’t urgent, taking longer to answer encourages them to not keep sending needless and pointless emails

• Seek the advice or support from your admin if one of the parents is causing you a lot of grief. It’s helpful to have their support onboard; assuming they’re an empowering and supportive admin rather than one that always pleases parents
• Document, document, document – I’ve heard of some nightmare parents who take joy in ruining a teacher’s career. Cover yourself if you’re unlucky enough to come across one of these parents
• Draw boundaries with the parent if they are pushing them. For instance, I knew a teacher had a parent emailing her every day about little minor things. She eventually needed to tell the parent that it had to stop
• Speak to your union if you begin to feel that a parent’s behaviour is beginning to verge on bullying or harassment

If all else fails? I admit that all else can fail; it happened to me once. I had a parent who I jumped through hoops to please, but every week I still continued to receive long-winded emails from her about new problems or concerns. Nothing I did could really get this person off my back, or allow her to trust me. If this is you, I hear you and feel for you. It caused me quite a bit of distress that particular year. Sometimes there is nothing we can do besides ensure we’re doing everything required of us, and count down the days until June.

Dealing with Difficult Parents as a Teacher FAQ

Here are some of the most commonly asked questions about dealing with challenging parents as a teacher

How do teachers deal with negative parents?

The best way to deal with negative parents is to invite them in for a face to face talk – this usually helps to build trust. After that, there are several things you can do to help the parent see that you want the best for their child – telling them outright that you want to help their child helps, along with regular communication with positive and constructive feedback.

How should a teacher handle a difficult parent?

There is no one right way to handle a difficult parent as a teacher. It really depends on the nature of the parent’s behaviour. I recommend always talking to previous teachers to get an idea of what you might be dealing with, and how they handled the difficult parent

How do teachers handle conflict with parents?

Conflicts with parents can be a very hard thing to deal with as a teacher, because of the lack of support we have from all ends in doing a very difficult job.

Final Thoughts on How to Deal with Difficult Parents as a Teacher

I hope that this article has been a good guide in helping you learn different ways how to deal with difficult parents as a teacher.

Having good relationships with parents and working with them as a team was something I usually found rewarding about the job. I also enjoyed meeting and getting to know parents at teacher nights – it added another element to learning more about the students.

So, this is part of why it was so sad when I was faced with some really difficult parents who lacked trust in the school system, and in me. Many of the above suggestions helped smooth any bumps in the road, and helped me build a good rapport with many families. I hope that it will for you too.

If dealing with difficult parents makes you hate your job, then you could also consider alternate careers for teachers where this is a stressor you wouldn’t have to face.