Teacher Guilt: How to Manage and Cope
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If you’re struggling with teacher guilt, then I want you to read this.
Teaching is a unique job, because your clientele are students, often kids who depend on you. At the same time, you can never really be ‘done’ your work as a teacher. There’s always the possibility to do more and enhance something that’s already done.
If you struggle with teacher guilt, then nothing you do will ever be enough – you’ll always feel like you need to be doing more!
Teacher guilt is a real thing and it can have some pretty serious consequences if not addressed. It can lead to:
- Overworking and a lack of work-life balance
- Struggles with your personal life; relationships, finances, self-care
- Burnout, resulting from the failure to care for yourself first
The lack of proper fundind in our schools today (I’m located in North America) means that caring and dedicated teachers are shouldering more than ever.
But the guilt they feel is toxic to their mental health, and in the long run – doesn’t benefit their students either.
Let’s talk about what you need to realize about teacher guilt, and how to cope with it in a way that you can move forward feeling good about the work you do for your students.
3 Things You Need to Know About Teacher Guilt
#1 It’s normal
You’re not alone with your teacher guilt. Most teachers experience it. (The reason I am even writing this article is because I’ve seen how popular a search query it is, especially in English-speaking countries where teachers are feeling increasingly overworked.)
The teaching profession tends to draw people who are empathetic and want to make a difference in young people’s lives. For those of us who came from traumatic backgrounds, sometimes we want to be the person we didn’t have growing up.
Teacher guilt often comes from feeling like we’re not the teacher we imagined we’d be, or dreamed we’d be someday.
#2 The fact that you feel guilt is a sign that you’re a good teacher
Feeling guilty means that you care. Caring enough about the education you’re providing to feel guilty means that:
- You take pride in your work
- You genuinely care about and have empathy for the students you teach
- You take your job as an educator seriously
I would be more worried about a teacher who never felt guilty at all. Guilt, in very small amounts, can be actually be a bit of a motivator to make sure we are showing up for our students.
But at the same time, you shouldn’t feel constantly guilty all the time, and you shouldn’t let guilt override your need to care for yourself and loved ones too.
#3 Guilt doesn’t really benefit your students
It is a benefit to your students that you care enough about the education they’re getting to feel guilty.
But the teacher guilt itself doesn’t benefit them. And, if you allow yourself to be overruled with guilt (without addressing and treating it,) then in the long run, teacher guilt is actually going to be detrimental to your students.
Dealing with teacher guilt by going more overboard on work doesn’t address the internal issue, and it could lead to you not showing up for yourself – which can lead to burnout.
And trust me – you do not want to reach burnout. Teacher burnout, which often stems from guilt of not doing enough at the core, is actually detrimental to your students.
The bottom line: You are most useful to your students by being there, and by putting in an amount of work that you can manage, without feeling guilty about not doing more and more. Constantly striving for ‘above and beyond’ can bring you closer to burnout, which means you are less present there and genuinely enjoying your job.
3 Ways to Cope with Teacher Guilt
Here are some steps to help you cope with teacher guilt so that you can be happy with the amount of work you’re putting in.
1. Allow yourself to experience the flow of emotions that come with being an educator
While you don’t want to experience or show emotion all the time, emotions (including guilt) shouldn’t be suppressed all the time either.
When you suppress emotions, then you’re bottling them up. Your body turns into a pressure cooker where they can eventually boil over. I used to try to be as easygoing towards my job as some of my coworkers seemed, but this was the wrong approach – constantly trying to be ‘positive’ about teaching without validating the experience of what makes it a very tough job in many ways, can be invalidating and toxic. Read this article here on toxic positivity.
2. Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to one of your students
In the classroom, we want to teach growth mindset, intrinsic motivation, and being kind to yourself and others.
But how can you do that if you’re a harsh critic on yourself, and aren’t kind to yourself?
For the longest time, I thought ‘oh sure, I love myself.’ But no, I didn’t really. I didn’t talk to or treat myelf the way I would treat my daughter, or my best friend. And I’ve started to do that.
Sometimes, at the core of being kind to yourself is practicing self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. See the books for teach self love and forgiveness that I recommend here, as this may be an area you struggle in too.
3. Reflect on what you’re proud of
We often end up diminishing the work we put in as educators and constantly expecting more of ourselves.
What things have you done this school year that you’re proud of? It can be any little thing. Make a list, if it helps. Take some time to pride yourself on the amazing work you’re doing for those young humans under your care.
4. Define what is under your control, and what isn’t
As teachers, we tend to worry about all aspects of our students ‘ lives and education. It’s really hard not to assume responsibility over how they’re doing in school and what they’re getting out of school.
But in reality, you aren’t 100% responsible for every aspect of their schooling or education.
Worrying about a bunch of things out of your control isn’t useful energy for you to spend as an educator, and it’s not benefiting anyone.
Here’s the list I made of what you CAN and CAN’T control as a teacher. Feel free to add to it on a piece of paper, or just be inspired by it.
Things you CAN control as an educator
You can control the effort you put into your job; how present you are with the students, and how much you strive to be the best (mentally healthy and effective) teacher you can be
You can control your ‘office hours’, the boundaries you make with work to protect your sanity, mental health and work-life balance
You can control how little or much you socialize with colleagues. If you’re an introvert, then make sure you have some time alone to unplug during the day
You can control the quality of the lunches, snacks you bring for yourself to fuel your day. See my teacher survival kit suggestions here
You can control your method of communication you use with parents.
You can improve your classroom management skills, if that’s an area of weakness. See my list of best classroom management books
Who you vote for. Vote for politicians and parties who are supportive of education and plan to fund it adequately (if there are any!)
Things you CAN’T control
Your student’s home life (including their parents’ rules, or whatever their parents are doing that may be detrimental to them)
If a parent doesn’t like you, or agree with your teaching style or rules
If a student doesn’t like you, or doesn’t enjoy school. (You can make the environment as engaging for them as you can, but you can’t get wrapped up in changing the mind of every person – student or adult- who doesn’t like or agree with you)
How much funding the school, school board or government decides to spend on education. (They don’t provide what they should, but you can’t make up for it entirely with your own personal money)
How your principal is as a leader; how they choose to run the school
The whole system. Unfortunately, in many Western countries, we are dealing with a broken education system. This is not your fault. Your job is to be there for the students, and do your best – but the things out of your control can’t be completely eradicated by just you.
5. Regularly check in with yourself
You know how when you know a student is struggling or going through a hard time, you check in on them to see how they’re doing, and if they need help?
You should be doing this with yourself too. Ask yourself ‘how am I doing? what do I need?’ Meeting your own needs is just as important as trying to meet your students’ needs.
An ongoing neglect of your basic needs as a human being will be damaging to you in the long run, as well as to your students. One of the key qualities of an effective teacher is someone who values, loves and looks after themselves too.
Final Thoughts on Living and Coping with Teacher Guilt
Teacher guilt is going to be something that you go through and feel. Remember that it’s normal, and that if you didn’t feel it- you probably wouldn’t be thinking of your students’ needs and how impactful your job is – so it’s a good thing you feel guilt, to an extent.
Know that beyond that, guilt if allowed to take over, can lead to burnout if you allow it to fuel an overworking habit. It’s so important to destress and care for yourself; this is how you’re most helpful to those around you.
